I've often been sensitive to the approval or disapproval of others. This comes naturally to me and so often find myself inhibited or at least tormented. God's wanting this to change. God has declared me His Beautiful Bride and wants me to dance the dance of joy! He desires for me to embrace the freedom I have from condemnation and judgment of myself and others. This is no easy task! So I'm being forced! Recently, my husband purchased a 2007 mini cooper convertible. Now, you might be thinking how fun and what a great gift! But not me, I didn't drive it for 3 weeks. I was concerned about others, what they might think, what they might say, how they might judge us. We are in the ministry, we're supposed to be . . . . . . (you fill in the blank). For as soon as someone realizes I am the "wife", postures, attitudes, expectations change! It's like I can literally see a person's face be transformed from openness and welcome to something altogether different. It comes with the territory.
But God is saying enough Lori! It doesn't matter what others think! I am the One who matters and I want you to drive in freedom. I want you to enjoy ME! So I timidly took the car out, hoping no one would see me, hoping I wouldn't wreck it and working on enjoying the car. So I'm learning and I truly laughed, cried and rejoiced as I had birds flying right next to me in the openness of a convertible. As I looked overhead and saw misting clouds and breathed in fresh air, I relaxed! I need to learn this, why am I so stubborn in my unbelief? I am thankful that I have a God who is patient with me in my fear and insecurity. I am thankful He will slowly and lovingly teach me the steps of secure love and acceptance. It makes me smile.
