Wrestling

     Today, my husband handed me a book.  He thought it might encourage me; it is.  I am a wrestler, my daughters have coined me a "Jacob" of sorts.  I do not go down easily.  I fight!  This is a character trait that at times I believe challenges others in ways they don't appreciate and in some ways I also struggle with the intensity of my wrestling.  Observing life, specifically people and waiting for God to move in ways I see fit or visible I often am in a place of discontent. (please read on before desiring to correct this!)
     The book placed in my hands is:  "The Last Christian on Earth", it's written by Os Guinness.  I've yet to finish it, but I like where it's going.  I like what it is identifying, I like that it is confirming . . . of  the struggle.  The reality of the overtaking of Christianity in a subtle frog in the boiling pot sort of way is alarming.  The fact that it is so subtle and few realize they are being boiled is disturbing to say the least.   We've given in, we've compromised, we've gone under.  I often think of the phrase, "She's undone" and that is where the church in America finds herself, unclothed and naked. 
     The soul of our faith of what is true in Christ is now strewn on the altar of busyness, fun, materialism and rationalization.  Even as I pen these words I wonder how many truly will see how we have compromised our commitments.  Far too many churches are closing there doors because the "faithful" have left to play or become distracted by good causes.  Good causes without Christ.  It is Christ that brings the power of the gospel unto salvation.  It is Christ that transforms us.  Rather than knowing the gospel or living it, we speak of what we don't grasp and the world knows it.  We are largely ineffective because we have forgotten what makes us effective.  We think by declaring things it makes it so and we leave comforted by our good words.
     As I hear and see the bleeding of the church in America throughout the country I grieve.  I wonder how many will leave with as many reasons as one could imagine that speak of a lack of integrity of commitment or love.  Yes, I am troubled.  In conversations with other leaders they are saying the same thing.  They are witnessing a sad page in church history in America.
      As I said before I am a "Jacob".  I am wrestling.  I cannot quit, I am unable to give up the fight.  But I would love more to engage in the battle, to pick up their swords, put on their breastplates, shod their feet and become aware and sober minded. I am thankful for those who are engaged, who pray and commit to the work of transforming submission.  I praise God that I know the truth of where all of this is going, but dear people it is time to wake up!  We are in a war, every one who testifies to belief in Christ is needed, every one who says Jesus is Lord is required to battle.  Do you hear the bugle blast?  Do you feel in your soul the need to be on alert?  Are you alarmed?

Learning to Dance

  I've often been sensitive to the approval or disapproval of others.  This comes naturally to me and so often find myself inhibited or at least tormented.  God's wanting this to change.  God has declared me His Beautiful Bride and wants me to dance the dance of joy!  He desires for me to embrace the freedom I have from condemnation and judgment of myself and others.  This is no easy task!  So I'm being forced!  Recently, my husband purchased a 2007 mini cooper convertible.  Now, you might be thinking how fun and what a great gift!  But not me, I didn't drive it for 3 weeks.  I was concerned about others, what they might think, what they might say, how they might judge us.  We are in the ministry, we're supposed to be . . . . . . (you fill in the blank).  For as soon as someone realizes I am the "wife", postures, attitudes, expectations change!  It's like I can literally see a person's face be transformed from openness and welcome to something altogether different.  It comes with the territory.

  But God is saying enough Lori!  It doesn't matter what others think!  I am the One who matters and I want you to drive in freedom.  I want you to enjoy ME!  So I timidly took the car out, hoping no one would see me, hoping I wouldn't wreck it and working on enjoying the car.   So I'm learning and I truly laughed, cried and rejoiced as I had birds flying right next to me in the openness of a convertible.  As I looked overhead and saw misting clouds and breathed in fresh air, I relaxed!  I need to learn this, why am I so stubborn in my unbelief?  I am thankful that I have a God who is patient with me in my fear and insecurity.  I am thankful He will slowly and lovingly teach me the steps of secure love and acceptance.  It makes me smile.